How to write a eulogy

Writing about someone you have just lost is one of the hardest things a person is ever asked to do, often on the worst week of their life. It helps to know that a good eulogy is simple. You are not summing up a whole life. You are giving a room one honest look at a person they loved.

Start with a few true details

Before you write a sentence, jot down the small, specific things — the way they answered the phone, the meal they always made, the phrase they overused, the thing they were quietly proud of. Specifics are what make a eulogy sound like them and not like anyone. Ask two or three other people for a memory each; you will hear stories you never knew.

Use a simple shape

Most eulogies that land follow the same quiet structure:

• Who they were to you — your relationship, in a line or two.
• The shape of their life — where they came from, what they gave their days to, who and what they loved.
• One or two stories — small, specific, and true. This is the heart of it.
• What they leave behind — not just people, but the way they changed the people in the room.
• A closing line — something you would say to them if they were listening. Often they are the last words that matter.

Write it to be spoken, not read

Use short sentences. Read every draft out loud. If a line ties your tongue in knots at the kitchen table, it will not survive a microphone and a full church. Print the final version in a large font, double-spaced, and mark where you want to pause.

Let it be imperfect

The most moving eulogies are rarely the most polished. They are the ones where you can hear the love and the loss underneath the words. Say the true thing, even if it is plain. That is enough. It is more than enough.

When you are ready, you can begin their memorial page here and gather these words, their photos, and the people who loved them in one place.